she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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