Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
