I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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