spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
