Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
