I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
