do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
