Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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