i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
