Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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