Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
