I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
