So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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