I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
