I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
