I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
