it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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