hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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