i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
