FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
