So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
