I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
