i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
your room smells of hookers.
And success
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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