sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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