the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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