It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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