remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
