I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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