If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
