You made me cry and you don't even care
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
