Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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