My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
