i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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