is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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