her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
