I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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