Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
