Swine flu. Run for my life!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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