i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
