I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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