: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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