Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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