I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
