I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
