After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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