I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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