I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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