third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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