I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
