i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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