Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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